Death, The fear of dying, losing control and surrender...

For the last couple of years I have feared death more and more. Not just death, but sickness, or the death of loved ones around me. I suppose they are all normal fears. I used to try and come up with reasons for why people were dying...oh they have cancer cus they were a smoker or he had heart problems cus he had a terrible diet, but then I noticed that perfectly healthy people got sick take for example Lance Armstrong who was diagnosed with cancer when he was an elite athlete. Those kind of cases blew my theory out of the water and fear crept in further, but God reminded/challenged me the other day to surrender myself, my health my everything to him again. Surrender isn't a one time deal. Its a continual choice or state of mind. There are so many things going on in my life right now that are out of my control that I would change in a second if I could, but I think that's why surrender is so great and so hard for us at the same time. We hate it when things are out of our control. My neighbours love to blast music...it drives me nuts, but I am even trying to surrender that to God because I can't control it. I remember when I had my genuine conversion experience. I knew that God just wanted me to surrender everything I was to him. The peace that came after I surrendered was the thing that I had craved more than anything, I just didn't know it. You can't put a price on that. I guess salvation and surrender are almost synonymous. We taste the beauty of salvation only after we have surrendered. I don't think we are supposed to carry burdens with us, that's God's role

So I felt like my fear of death left and peace returned when I surrendered again. Maybe we can always live in the peace that comes with surrender. That would be awesome. I know lately as I have become weary of religion/religious people I have cringed at the word surrender and probably missed the the true blessing and power of it. Thanks God for bringing me back.

sojourner trying to settle down...

I've been in madison for 2 months now. Its taking some time to settle in. I feel frustrated about not having any solid friendships. Thats one of the bittersweet things about ywam. I have made some fantastic friends through the years, but now I'm lucky if I ever get an email from them. I am not mad at them...well maybe a little. I am not the best at keeping in touch either. Maybe friendships just come and go and thats just life. Are all friendships seasonal? Do we put too much stock in friendships? Why do we as guys isolate ourselves so much? Are we loners by God's design? I don't really want to start anymore friendships. I feel a little jaded almost like what's the point of having friends because they wont be around for long or I will be leaving soon. I have been trying to convince myself that I don't really need friends, but I know thats a dangerous thought. I know men get into trouble when they isolate themselves, I have seen it.